God is good.
I went to hear the mass today because it’s my late uncle anyen’s birthday and supposed to be an anniversary of what i thought a long-lasting relationship (somehow it was, we lasted 11 months). I wanted to seek God’s comfort through all the pain, to teach me to forgive and accept everything despite being painful, to ask for God’s healing words to ease the pain in my heart. And so it was given to me, the second reading was The Way of Love (1 Corinthians 13). Because I’m so eager to force myself to go on with life, I find myself driven to bitterness and angst. I wanted to move on too and just enjoy life, I was envy that he wasn’t in pain and doesn’t care anymore while i’m left behind hurting and still caring. how can life be so unfair. lucky enough, God loves me and will never forsake me through these hard times. someday, soon.. all the pain will be gone and i’m no longer broken. God is indeed good.
My sentiments on my recent ‘break-up for real’
When you love someone, you start being selfless. You think more of the person you love, start sacrificing for them, you start thinking of doing things that will do them good. Love is never selfish.
I speak of love as if I’m on the peak of it. On the contrary, I’m on the post-in love stage where I found myself broken, torn. I feel like I’ve lost myself, who was I again? Thus, I have no other option but to MOVE ON.
Truth is, I write because I don’t want to cry. I write because I want to let out all that’s in my mind so I can, somehow, free myself from temporary incessant pain I’m feeling. I want everything to end, I want to be happy as I’ve forgotten how it is to be one. I’m shattered.
But honestly, I want to just forget everything. How it all began. How I fell for his scent that would always get stuck in the QA main laboratory when he enters, how I think he’s got that friendly and warm smile, how caring and sweet was he, how I thought he was really different from all others, and how I thought he was the one.
And as much as I want to keep holding on to them, to the wonderful times we had and we shared, I’m bound to let them go. As he already did. I really should stop reminiscing so I can save myself from hurting even more. I am forcing myself not to cry, I’ve had enough. I do not want to keep tormenting myself. This be the last I talk of it, the last I think of it, and the last I remember everything.
But then, if only I could completely erase them all like there’s a shift+delete buttons in me to permanently delete them all, this is all just temporary. I know this is all just “forget” for a moment, “this be the last” for some time until it hurts no more. Until I have fully accepted the truth, until I’ve finally moved on.
I still believe in love though, for love is eternal. It will never cease. When you begin to love someone, it will never end, that’s what I’ve got myself to believe into. You just have to configure how to love them in a way that you don’t get to hurt yourself anymore or anyone.
On being single, you gain back everything that was lost from you. You take back the life you’ve had, you give more time for yourself again, you start depending on your own again, and you start loving yourself again most importantly.
You get to remember who you were.
You have nothing but yourself. That’s the bitter truth. Your mother cannot take away all the pain just by saying be gone. It doesn’t work that way. It’s all up to you and you alone. That’s how it really works. Your family and friends will sure be there for you but if you don’t help yourself, there won’t be any progress.
Learn to understand yourself. Do the things you want to do, do the things that will make you remember the feeling of being happy and contented. Shop, travel, if you must. Love yourself. Trust and believe in yourself more than anyone else.
If you were brave enough to risk for love, to fight for love, then you must also be brave enough to let it go when it has ended. Giving up is not always a cowardly act, sometimes, it is the bravest decision a person could ever make. Love and let go.
Rheena Lou Din Rellosa
May 12, 2012|10:58 PM
A smile conceals it all…the pain, fears, troubles that’s tearing me up inside… (Taken with instagram)
holy week.
When i posted “walang magawaaaaa” as my fb status, a friend posted a comment, ” mag reflect ka, holyweek eh.”
Oo nga naman.
There are a lot of things that i want to thank the Lord for:
For giving me strength to fight back whenever life gets hard..for giving me reasons to hold on..
For giving me back Mark Joseph when i’ve almost lost him..
For my family, despite the fact that i’m becoming a burden, thank you as well for the patience and support..
For giving me so many chances in life..
For my wonderful friends who are always there when i needed “words of wisdom” to help me get through every problem i have..for making me happy..
For giving me Mark Joseph, who i thank for staying.. It makes me so happy whenever i get to think that out of a sea of girls out there, you chose me, still. :) thank you for being so patient and understanding whenever i’m on my topak days or nights.. Thank you for effortlessly making me happy.. For that sweet smile that melts my heart everytime you wear it on your face.. For the love, especially.. I love you. Cheers to our almost 11 months of fun, crazy, full of love relationship.. :)) and for many more months, years to come..
Pause for a little while. Say a prayer.
Enjoy the holyweek friends and thank the Lord as well for all the good things He has given you too.. :))
